But after the year we’ve all had in 2020, how do we plan for 2021? So much is still uncertain! Now we know that even the best of plans can be completely derailed by circumstances we cannot control.

Six years ago I wrote the following article about the most important goal we can set. I’m reprising it here, as it is very appropriate for a time of a global pandemic and recurring lockdowns. (Read to the end for a timely epilogue.)

Original Blog Post (December 2014):

As this year draws to a close and the new year approaches, our thoughts naturally turn to goals and resolutions. What do we hope to accomplish in this upcoming year? How do we want our lives to change? What are we resolved to do differently?

Much as I love writing goals and making lists, and valuable as New Year’s Resolutions can be, there is one vitally important goal that we must remember during this process, or we will set ourselves up to be frustrated and stressed out this upcoming year. That goal is to become a better person. Or, from a Christian perspective, to become more like Jesus.

The beauty of this goal, and the reason it is the most important goal we can have, is that no matter what comes our way, we can still work toward this goal. Other, lesser goals can be thwarted by circumstances.

If my primary goal is success in my career, for example, an unexpected job loss can devastate me. But if, when that job loss comes my way, I remember that my primary goal is character growth, then during my unemployment, I will focus on developing perseverance, trust in God, and compassion for those worse off than myself.

Our other goals can be good ones: to lose weight, to write a book, to quit smoking, or to eat more dinners together as a family. But we are not in control of situations that can come into our lives and derail those goals. We are broken people who live in a broken world filled with other broken people. There are countless possible hardships that could take us by surprise this coming year.

So when those hard times come, when disaster strikes, when you are wounded and stressed and grieving that you can no longer achieve a goal that was so important to you — at those times, remember that no matter what, you can become a better person. No matter what, you can become more like Christ.

The day before I wrote this, I called my dad. It was his 76th birthday, and I wanted to wish him a happy birthday.

My dad is a mathematician and physicist who has had a very successful career as one of the pioneers in the field of GPS navigation. He retired last year, at the age of 75, and would have liked to spend his newfound free time writing and publishing more scholarly papers. But my mom, his wife of 54 years, has Alzheimer’s. She’s transitioning into the later stages of the disease, and Dad retired because she needed more of his care. Dad is the only person she still recognizes, and she usually functions better when he is around.

When I called Dad last night and wished him a happy birthday, he mentioned that one of my sisters wrote a facebook post that “almost made [him] cry.” My sister wrote:

Dad, All my life I’ve known that I have the smartest Dad ever. And the funniest, because what could be funnier than puns? But watching you care for Mom as her Alzheimer’s gets progressively worse — I now know that I also have the kindest and most loving Dad in the world. Happy Birthday, Ron Hatch! I’m so proud to be your daughter!

Dad and I talked about that, and I told him I was going to be writing about how God’s number one goal for our lives is that we become more like Jesus. Dad agreed. He said that it’s been hard for him to find time to do much writing, that he’s lucky if he can get in an hour of writing a day because of the time it takes to care for Mom. Then he said, “But that [caring for Mom] is what’s most important now.”

My dad’s main goal is not to publish more papers, though he’d like to do that and he has valuable contributions to make. To me, to my sister, and to many, many others who see my dad caring for my mom, Dad is a living example of a person who is becoming a better person even in a very difficult situation.

So as we make our resolutions, as we write out our goals for the year to come, as we reflect and plan, let’s remember that the upcoming year is likely to bring unexpected challenges. We might not be able to achieve our much-desired goals. But no matter what happens, we can become a better person, our character can grow, and we can be made more like Jesus Christ.

Epilogue (December 2020):

My dad died very suddenly in September 2019 — and Mom followed him just nine weeks later. Dad left behind a partially written article for a scientific journal that he’d been laboring over for months. He still had goals he had hoped to achieve and work he left unfinished.

But what Dad didn’t leave undone was the opportunity to love his wife well. He didn’t forget to lean on God for strength. He continued to become more like Christ in becoming ever more tender and patient.

He lived out the truth of Romans 8:28-30 — that God works everything that comes into our lives for our good — because in all circumstances, God is making us more “conformed to the image of His Son” — more like Jesus. Dad remembered God’s number one goal for his life.

No matter what comes in 2021 --
  no matter which of your plans may change,
  no matter how many of your goals are left unfinished,
  no matter what challenges you may face,
May you always remember that God is working for your good
  to make you more and more like Jesus.

The post Your Most Important Goal appeared first on Restore & Rebuild Ministries.

If you are experiencing these feelings and frustrations, you are not alone. I have talked with so many people who are struggling. If you take a casual stroll through social media you will see many sarcastic memes articulating these frustrations. 

One such meme depicts a little girl sitting with her mom. The little girl asked: “Mom, am I adopted?” Mom: “Honey, I just put the advertisement out yesterday.” 

Ouch!  We are struggling. Our normal coping methods don’t seem to be working. What can we do? My last blog post focused on developing healthy relationships at home. This week, we turn our attention to what is going on inside us.

We Need to Create Space for Ourselves

Creating space for ourselves is easier said than done. But it is vital to help us cope and deal with our inner struggles. Here are a variety of ideas for you to think about. Try the ones that seem to fit you and your schedule.

Prepare your Heart for the Day

Being stuck at home during this pandemic can feel like “Groundhog Day.” “Here we go again.”  Our joy has been robbed. To help me prepare for the day, I take a few minutes each day to read, reflect, journal, and pray through Philippians 4:4-9:

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say, rejoice! Let everyone see your gentleness. The Lord is near!  Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God. And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of respect, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if something is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things. And what you learned and received and heard and saw in me, do these things. And the God of peace will be with you.

I let these words penetrate my heart and call me to action. I find that they center me.  This passage reminds me to be gentle to others. I think through and write out ways I can be gentle today. When I am feeling anxious, I remind myself that God is near and I can bring my struggles to him. I examine my thinking and ask myself, “What am I thinking about? Am I focusing on things that are true, respectful, just, pure, etc.?”

Taking a few minutes to start the day in God’s word, prayer, and/or journaling can help calm our heart and steer us in a healthy direction.

Fill Your Tank

We need to accept that our schedules are not going to be what they used to be.  We need to readjust our schedule and make sure we include times throughout the week to fill our tanks. We need to find space to go for a walk, run, work out, take a nap, draw, paint, do a craft, organize the garage, fill in the blank. Winston Churchill suggested that to find refreshment we need to do something that is the opposite of what we normally do.

My normal has changed. What I used to do for refreshment was to go to the gym — currently not an option. So I changed my workout routine. Honestly, not as fun but still refreshing. I love photography and working with my photos on the computer. However, since COVID-19, I am spending 12 hours a day on a screen in meetings or counseling; so the idea of getting back on my computer is not as appealing. I am experimenting with new ways to express my creativity. Take some time this week to think through what you can do for yourself to fill your tank.

Learn How to Go to the “Top of the Stadium” to Get Perspective

If you have ever been to a college football game, you might remember what happens at halftime – the band comes on the field. Imagine if you went to a college game for the first time and you wandered onto the field at halftime. As you walked around the field you would have no idea what was happening. People would be marching right toward you with instruments blaring and just when you think they are going walk all over you, they turn and start to march away only to have them turn and come at you again. You have no idea what is going on. What they’re doing makes no sense!

However, if you were to find your way to the top of the stadium, you would have a different perspective.  You would see the band marching with amazing precision, making intricate designs as they boldly play their instruments.

When the frustrations inside us build, we feel like we are on the field. We aren’t sure where these emotions are coming from or where they will take us. We need to learn to press pause and go to the top of the stadium to get some perspective. We need to ask ourselves:  What am I feeling? What is this about? In order for us to get perspective, we need to get a clear picture of what is happening. Then we can respond.  Our tendency is to be reactive, like we are on the field with the marching band. The next time you feel the tension building, I encourage you to use this word picture.  Take a moment to pause and go to the top of the stadium to help you get perspective before you respond.

Make Peace with Your Past

Our past experiences can cloud our vision. Maybe we grew up with parents who were harsh and judgmental, so we react to any form of criticism. Or maybe our parents weren’t around much or were dismissive, so we feel hurt when someone might legitimately want some space to sort out their thoughts. The examples are endless, but I know you want this blog post to end soon, so I will sum up. When you are consistently feeling overwhelmed or your emotions are disproportionate to the situation, you may not have made peace with your past. Your emotions from your past may still be haunting you. You need to ask yourself, “How much of this experience is about what is going on inside of me versus what the other person is doing?” Everyone is impacted by their past. Sometimes we might need help sorting it out.

These are unusual times, and our past ways of dealing with challenges may not be working. I encourage you to try some of these ideas out. If you are still struggling, don’t be afraid to reach out to a friend, a pastor or counselor. We are not meant to go through life alone.

The post Coping with COVID-19: Dealing with Internal Struggles appeared first on Restore & Rebuild Ministries.

PRAY WHAT?

Psalm 35 falls into the category of psalms known as “imprecatory psalms.”  Imprecatory psalms are ones in which the author calls down judgment on his enemies. 

For example, the first three verses of Psalm 35 read:

Contend, O LORD, with those who contend with me;
     fight against those who fight against me.
Take up shield and buckler;
     arise and come to my aid.
Brandish spear and javelin
     against those who pursue me.
Say to my soul,
     "I am your salvation."

Imprecatory psalms can be difficult for us to relate to.  King David had actual people trying to kill him; it makes sense that he would pray for God’s protection and intervention against his enemies.  However, most of us don’t have enemies out to get us, so it seems odd for us to pray, for example, “May those who seek my life be disgraced and put to shame.”  (Psalm 35:4)

Yet the Psalms are meant to be prayed by God’s people.  Even these imprecatory psalms are there for a reason; they are intended to guide us as we pray.  How can we pray against enemies in this day and age?

1) PRAY on behalf of others

One answer:  Pray on behalf of people who DO have enemies.  Pray these words with persecuted Christians in mind.  As I have done this with Psalm 35 these past weeks, the words of the Psalm have taken on new depth of meaning for me.

I have prayed for a Chinese pastor who is currently in prison for his faith, “Vindicate [him] in your righteousness, O LORD my God; do not let them gloat over [him.]” (Psalm 35:24)

I have prayed for Christians who attend churches that have been bombed by Muslim terrorists:  “O LORD, you have seen this; be not silent. Do not be far from [them], O Lord. Awake, and rise to [their] defense! Contend for [them], my God and Lord.” (Psalm 35:22-23)

As part of my own healing process, I used to regularly pray Psalm 10 on behalf of victims of sexual abuse everywhere.  It is a passionate prayer for the helpless and oppressed, a powerful prayer against abusers.

If you don’t have any actual physical enemies in your life right now, people who are trying to silence you, oppress you, and threaten your life, that’s wonderful!  Thank God for that!  And then lift up these prayers on behalf of people who DO need God’s intervention and protection.

2)  PRAY against the enemies of your soul

As believers, we might not have actual people who are fighting against us, but we do have enemies.  The enemies of our souls can be temptations, can be negative emotions, or can be evil, demonic forces.  As we pray Psalm 35 or other imprecatory psalms, we can pray in a very personal way against these enemies of our soul.

It’s been eight weeks now since my father unexpectedly passed away.  I’m grieving.  I’m also facing new, overwhelming responsibilities as executor of my dad’s will and holder of durable power of attorney for my mom. 

I’ve noticed some enemies of my soul cropping up during these weeks.  The therapist in me likes to call them “maladaptive coping strategies.”  But from God’s perspective, reluctant though I am to admit it, I think they’re more appropriately called “sins.” 

So as I’ve been praying through Psalm 35, I’ve been praying against these soul-enemies.  I pray that in my grieving God would protect me from despair.  I pray against escapism, against ways I seek to avoid hard tasks or distract myself.

The last part of verse three has resonated with me, where the psalmist asks God to, “Say to my soul, ‘I am your salvation.’”

God IS my salvation.  In the middle of grief over my dad’s death, God keeps reminding my soul that he is my salvation and hope.

In the middle of overwhelmingly long and complex tasks regarding my dad’s estate, God keeps reminding my soul that he is my salvation and strength. 

He is my rescue.  He is my guide.  He cares for my soul.

He is a personal God who sees the struggles we face and who fights on our side against enemies of our souls.  May Psalm 35 remind you of that today.

The post Praying Psalm 35 appeared first on Restore & Rebuild Ministries.

In a perfect world, everyone would be treated as if we all matter equally. In a perfect micro-world of our family, there would be no “shrinking violet” child who tries to be invisible to avoid the punishment that the outspoken sibling is receiving. There would be no “golden child,” no “troublemaker” or “black sheep” of any family. There would just be children born into the world with unique personalities, emotional expression styles, and varied interests and skills, ones who are talkers, thinkers, musicians, artists, chemists, chefs — and all would know beyond doubt that they matter. No matter what!

In a healing or healthy family, each person feels seen, heard and valued as an irreplaceable part of this community called family. The parents would expect their spouse and their kids to flub up occasionally, and would offer grace and forgiveness and even a conversation about what other choices they might make if that situation happens again. Everyone would feel safe to admit they made a mistake instead of leaving that failure believing they ARE a mistake. They would always feel that they matter and that they are loved even when they are at their worst. Each member of the family would have a strong sense of belonging, each would feel of equal importance and value.

When we see each person we meet as an equal, as a person who we can learn from and can contribute to, then we see what God sees:  people all created in his image just the way he planned. We are not all the same color, size or shape; we don’t all have the same talents or abilities. But we are all cherished by God and lovable. When we treat others as if they matter as much as we matter, then we all feel safe to explore the world and relationships with a confidence that we have value and have something to contribute in this life.

Look at your loved ones this week and just say, “Thank you for saying ‘yes’ to this time together. You mean the world to me.” When you do that, you communicate, “You matter to me, and I’m so glad that I matter to you.“

The post I Matter, You Matter appeared first on Restore & Rebuild Ministries.

It was my second half marathon. My first was three years ago, and after it was over, I had no particular desire to ever run another one. I’m in my 50s, somewhat overweight, and even in my younger days I wasn’t an especially fast runner. Running a half marathon seemed like it was a lot of stress for a fairly small payoff.

Me before the race

But I changed my mind. I decided to try another one. I felt eager for a new challenge, ready to increase my training runs, and excited about having a goal to work toward. So I signed up for the Disney Avengers Super Heroes Half Marathon. I trained consistently, gradually increasing my miles, using the Jeff Galloway run-walk-run method that has helped me stay injury free for years.

And in November, I ran the half marathon. And thoroughly enjoyed it.

Since then, I’ve been thinking about this passage from the Bible:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1-2, emphasis added)

“Run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”  Sounds like in some ways, life is an endurance race.

I want to run mine well.

How can we run the race of life well in this upcoming new year?  How can we finish strong?  What does it take to endure?  Here are some life lessons I’ve been reflecting on since running my race:

1)  Keep the Goal in Mind

You won’t keep running if you’re not trying to achieve an objective. Only a meaningful goal will keep us going when the race gets challenging.

As Christians, God’s goal for us is to make us more like Jesus. When I keep my focus on Jesus, then no matter what challenges come into my life, I know God can use it to make me a better person, to make me more like Christ.

This is a worthy goal, one that keeps me pressing on.

2)  Train Consistently

The key to running long distance is to run shorter distances consistently and increase gradually over time. Do what you are able to do, so that in time you will become able to do even more.

Similarly in life, be consistent over time. “Run with perseverance.”  Eugene Peterson, quoting Nietzsche, calls it “a long obedience in the same direction.”

I love looking back over my years of following Christ, and seeing ways that God has led, ways that I have grown, relationships that have improved, and painful circumstances that God has redeemed. I know these benefits have come because I’ve been fairly consistent over time.

3)  Build Habits

When we train consistently, we build habits. Training becomes routine; it takes less willpower and motivation. Just as you don’t have to force yourself to brush your teeth every day, soon you don’t have to force yourself to work out.

Spiritual disciplines can also become life-giving habits. Prayer, Bible reading, service and worship, when done consistently, can begin to come more naturally, to be part of the pattern of your life.

Gretchen Rubin, in her book on habits, Better than Before, says, “What we do every day matters more than what we do once in a while.”

4)  Know Your “Why”

There were times on my long training runs when I did not want to run that tenth mile. My feet ached, the hills seemed to be getting steeper, and I wanted to quit. But I’d already committed to running the half marathon. My fee was paid. I was all in, and wasn’t going to back out.

My medal for finishing

The “why” that kept me going through those training runs was knowing that my race was coming. I wanted to be ready.

The author of Hebrews tells us that Jesus “endured the cross… for the joy set before him.” Jesus overcame the pain and shame of his death by looking past it to the joy that waited for him on the other side.

In the same way, we can persist through difficulties when we focus on the blessings waiting for us on the other side.

Scientists call it “deferred gratification” – it’s that ability to handle some pain now because we know that if we wait, there will be a reward. It’s the ability to remind ourselves that this path we’ve chosen will be worth it in the end. We can be faithful day after day when we know our “why.”

The Hebrews passage reminds us that loving and knowing Jesus is the reason we run.  “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus.”

5)  Expect Challenges

Part of training is recovering from setbacks and overcoming obstacles. We have to learn to run in adverse weather, or to adapt our training to recover from an injury.

Sin easily entangles us. Distractions hinder us. Set those aside. Throw them off. Keep going. Keep moving toward the goal.

6)  Get Connected

My husband was my support person during my race. Seeing his face and hearing him cheer for me, especially toward the end of the race, helped me feel encouraged to keep going.

I was also surrounded by fellow runners, so I wasn’t running alone.  And all along the route were hundreds of people cheering for us, sometimes entire cheerleading squads and pep bands from local high schools and colleges.  We received water and energy drinks from volunteers manning refreshment stations along the way. The race was definitely a group effort.

Hebrews tells us that we have “a great cloud of witnesses” – that the Christians who have come before us, who demonstrated incredible faith, are cheering us on.

To run a successful race this new year, find people who encourage you and who refresh you. Become more aware of all the people who have gone before you, and let their examples cheer you on.

May we all keep on running with endurance until we say, like the apostle Paul at the end of his life, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:7)

Blessings to you as you run.

The post Run the Race Well appeared first on Restore & Rebuild Ministries.

What kind of glimpse does the world see? I turn on the news and I see stories about the church. These stores are filled with bitterness, judgment, harshness, arrogance, anything but the love and beauty of Christ. It is easy for us as Christians to dismiss these stories as media bias. Attacking Christians seems to be in vogue. While there is beauty and love being shared in the Christian community, my research for my dissertation describes a much bleaker picture than we want to admit.

I found that conflicts, gossip, lies, and power struggles abound in our churches. Surveys show that over 50% of pastors leave the ministry for good within five years after graduating from seminary. The conflicts are so bad that 80% of pastors’ wives wished their husband had chosen a different profession. My heart grieves as I listen to pastors and their wives share their stories of conflict and pain. What kind of glimpse are we giving to the world?

God has called us to be engaged in this world.  We are to be blessing to people. J.I. Packer puts it this way:

Actualized powers of expressing, celebrating, displaying and so communicating Christ in one way or another, either by word or deed… from heaven Christ uses Christians as his mouth, his hands, his feet, even his smile; it is through us, his people, that he speaks and acts, meets, loves and saves here and now in this world.

When people encounter us, do they see God’s love? When people encounter a community of believers do they encounter the beauty and grace of God?  As Christ’s ambassadors we are called to give the world a glimpse of heaven.

I want to encourage us to not stand on the sidelines and judge others or the church; rather, each of us needs to ask ourselves:

• Am I engaged and interacting with the world as Christ’s ambassador?
• Am I living a lifestyle above reproach?
• Am I an expression of God’s grace?
• Does the world see the joy of Christ in my life?
• How can I be a blessing to my family, friends, neighbors or co-workers today?

As Christ’s ambassadors, we are Christ’s hands and feet. We have the opportunity to give people a glimpse of heaven by the way we live and treat others. May we live in such away that those around us are compelled to explore the Christian faith.

The post A Glimpse of Heaven appeared first on Restore & Rebuild Ministries.

1)  Very Special

People were made to know and love God. We were designed to have a relationship with God. The Bible teaches that people were created in the image of God. 

In the Christian world view, people are of infinite worth and value. Our value comes not because of our skills and accomplishments, but because the God who made the universe created us in his image, and wired us to connect with him. We are valuable to God. We are very special.

2)  Deeply Fallen

The Bible teaches that although people were created very special, and equipped by God to have a relationship with him, we are deeply fallen. Sin entered the world and taints all of us. We are no longer able to connect with God. We are broken people, living in a broken world among other broken people.

This makes sense in light of the world we see around us. When we look at the world around us, we see that people have an amazing capacity for good and for evil. We see heroic acts of self-sacrifice and horrific acts of destruction. Humans build civilizations and destroy civilizations. People were created very special, but are truly deeply fallen.

This also makes sense in light of our knowledge of our own hearts. If we are honest with ourselves, we know that we are capable of cruelty, greed and pride. Our default setting is self-centeredness. This might be hard to admit to ourselves, because we are also very skilled at denial, but deep down we know that it’s true. We know that we are deeply fallen.

It’s as if we were a state-of-the-art cellphone, for example, designed to connect with signals and communicate freely and openly, with never a dropped call or a hint of static. But sin comes in the form of a bulldozer and completely crushes us. We can no longer communicate. Our previous capacities are destroyed. Some of us might look a little better on the surface, with fewer cracks, perhaps, but none of us retain our functionality. We can’t repair ourselves. We need whole new replacement parts. The Bible says that we need a new heart, a new life.

3)  Greatly Loved

Although we are deeply fallen, according to the Bible, we are also greatly loved. Romans 5:8 says, “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

This is the story of redemption that is the Bible’s central message: By coming to earth in the form of a man, by living a sinless life and dying a painful death, by rising from the dead and ascending to heaven, God has shown us his great love for us. He has provided a way for us to have the relationship with him that we were designed for. Jesus came to save us.

The message of Christianity is that you don’t have to find a way, broken person, to repair yourself. You don’t have to try harder, do more, perform better. You can’t earn your way into a relationship with God. You just stop and admit you are broken and receive God’s love and the new heart he offers through Jesus. What a beautiful message! What amazing grace!

This message of redemption makes sense to me when I observe people around me. As a therapist, every day I witness good coming out of the most painful and difficult circumstances. It seems like the hardest things in life are the very things that grow us the most. It makes sense to me that the Bible’s story of redemption is true, because I daily see small pieces of redemption, of good blossoming out of evil. I’ve seen people’s hearts changed by God’s grace. And I’ve experienced the transforming power of being loved in my own life.

So there you have it — six words that beautifully summarize the Bible’s view of humanity: Very Special, Deeply Fallen, and Greatly Loved.

The post Very Special, Deeply Fallen, Greatly Loved appeared first on Restore & Rebuild Ministries.

Robin Hood was trying to set an environment where people were free to share their burdens and find peace and safety. Isn’t that something we all want? Being able to share our sorrows not only releases our burdens, it empowers us to feel like we aren’t alone.  We have someone who will enter our pain.

God has designed us to be in community.  This inner desire for connections draws us to people. But the fear of being hurt puts us on guard. When we share areas that are vulnerable, we can be easily crushed.

Intellectually, we know about the medical benefits of sharing our troubles, but fear holds us back.  We feel stuck. Will people really understand our pain? Will they judge me? Will they dismiss my pain and quote a Bible verse?

Until we boldly confront the fears we want to avoid, those fears will control our lives. Being able to share our pain is vital to recovery. The cautionary tale from the Sherwood Forest is finding someone who is safe.  When we share with the wrong person we are crushed. Who is safe? How do we become safe people? Here are some qualities of a safe person:

They listen.  (James 1:19)

• That doesn’t mean just being quiet when someone is talking.
• It is being engaged, asking questions. (See my post on The Art of Listening for details.)

They are humble.  (Philippians 2:3-4)

• We need to recognize we are all broken and are in need of a Savior.
• A safe person is self-aware. They don’t think of themselves as having it all together.  They are aware of their own weaknesses and thus willing to serve. (See my post on Self-Awareness)

They express heartfelt compassion.  (Colossians 3:12)

• They reflect back both the content of your words and the emotions behind them.

They are willing to give gentle honest feedback.  (2 Timothy 2:25)

• We don’t need people just agreeing with us. We need people who will listen and gently ask questions that help us think through issues.
• We don’t need someone lecturing at us.
• It is not about making a point; it is about making a difference.

They are there through the pain.  (Romans 12:15)

• Sometimes we feel inadequate to help others.  We are afraid of saying the wrong thing. One of the most loving things we can do for others is being there — sitting with them, giving them a shoulder to cry on, a hug.

We all long for a Sherwood Forest experience.  However, there are many dangers in the forest. Not everyone is a Robin Hood. We need to choose wisely before we share our pain.

I encourage you to examine the five characteristics above.  Do they describe you? Are there areas you need to work on? God has called his church to be this type of community. Too often we fall short. We are all in process. Let’s strive to be the type of community who welcomes those in pain.

If you are in pain, choose wisely who you share with. Please feel free to contact us at Restore and Rebuild.  We would love to walk with you through your journey.

The post Safety in the Sherwood Forest: A Cautionary Tale appeared first on Restore & Rebuild Ministries.

In this process of learning to let go, these wise words have helped me to clarify what it’s like to let go.

In his book The Grace Awakening, author and pastor Chuck Swindoll included this piece, written by an unknown author:

Letting Go

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring,

it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off,

it’s the realization that I can’t control another.

To let go is not to enable,

but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,

which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another,

I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for,

but to care about.

To let go is not to fix,

but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,

but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,

but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective;

it is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny,

but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,

but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,

but to take each day as it comes.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,

but to try to become what dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,

but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more!

The post What Is It Like To Let Go? appeared first on Restore & Rebuild Ministries.

We want that serenity; we want to let go. We’re tired of constantly trying to control things that we can’t change. We’re tired of worrying, criticizing and obsessing.

But how can we learn to let go? What are actions that we can take that can help us grow in our ability to accept the things that we can’t change?

1.  Get Specific

In Letting Go, Part One, we talked about general categories of things we cannot change: Most things about other people, the past, some things about ourselves, some circumstances, and the fact that we have limits. The next step is to get more specific.

Think of a situation or relationship that’s bothering you. Then make a list of things that you can’t change about the situation, being as specific as possible. Write down the specific past incidents that you regret most. List precisely all the things about the other person that you really wish you could change, but know that you can’t.

Your list might include things like:

• “I can’t make my father get help for his alcoholism.”
• “I can’t change that I got angry and yelled at my son.”
• “I can’t change that it’s a difficult job market right now.”
• “I can’t change the fact that losing 30 pounds will take time.”
• “I can’t make my daughter enjoy cleaning her room.”

2.  Notice Your Tendencies

What are the ways you try to control things that you cannot change? What do you do when you’re hanging on rather than letting go?

For me, it’s trying to please others to make them like me, and obsessing about any criticism I might receive. I also micromanage by constantly trying to find ways to fit more work into less time.

For some, it might be trying to control other people by constantly reminding, correcting or manipulating. It might be obsessing about one area of your life, like what you eat, how clean your house is, or improving your golf game. Or it might be worrying about the future and the “what ifs.”

If we can become more aware of our negative tendencies, then we’re more likely to be able to catch ourselves and change.

3.  Visualize

Look over your list of specific things that you cannot change. Then picture yourself looking out on a backyard that’s enclosed on all sides with a nice fence. Read through your list and visualize each item on your list as being on the other side of that fence. The things that you can’t change are not in your boundaries. They are not your responsibility. If they were in your yard, you would need to take care of them, to mow and weed and water. But they are not up to you. They are not in your yard. Visualize placing them on the other side of the fence and pray that God will help you to let them go.

An alternate way to visualize releasing responsibility is to picture placing each thing that you cannot change into God’s hands. Prayerfully visualize releasing each item from your own grip and letting it fall into God’s cupped hands placed beneath your own, while telling yourself that God’s got it.

Another visualization exercise that can help in letting go is what I call the Open Hands Prayer. To begin, sit comfortably in a chair with your feet on the floor and your hands resting on your legs, palms up, hands open and relaxed. Take a few deep breaths in and out. Then as each of your tendencies to control comes to mind, pray, “God, I give you _____, and I receive _____.”

For example, you might pray, “God, I give you my desire to gain my supervisor’s approval and my obsession with being liked. I receive the confidence that comes from knowing I have your unconditional love and acceptance.”

Or, “God, I give you my fears for my son and my tendency to criticize him. You know how I long for him to make better choices. I receive the serenity that comes from knowing you love my son and watch over him.”

Sometimes I like to exhale while giving the negative to God and inhale while receiving the positive.

I find that the more I am able to let go of the things I can’t change, the more energy I have to focus on the things I can change.

The post Letting Go, Part Two appeared first on Restore & Rebuild Ministries.