Primarily I feel sad that too often relationships end because our fears and our brokenness keep us isolated, keep us hiding, keep us from responding.  We might be afraid that if we say something we’ll just make things worse.  We might be convinced that even if we say something, the other person just won’t understand.  We might feel hopeless, that when we try to say something we won’t say it right.  So we stay silent.  And the gap between us grows.  And our loved one eventually gives up, grieves and walks away.

As a therapist, I see relationships like this all too often in my office.  We call the person who gives up and walks away the “burned out pursuer.”  And sadly, by the time the pursuer has given up, it can be difficult for a couple to reconnect, even with the help of a therapist.

So when I listen to this song, I think, “Don’t let this happen to you!”  If you notice this dynamic in your relationship – this pursue-withdraw dynamic – then don’t wait until the pursuer gives up on even trying to connect.  Seek help before that day.  Say something.

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