As these weeks go by, many of us have a growing sense of frustration. It is more than being cooped up at home and dealing with the same people 24/7. Our bandwidth seems non-existent. We are more easily irritated. The words that are coming out of our mouths bring hurt and shame to us as well as others. How can I possibly make it through the next several months in these conditions?

If you are experiencing these feelings and frustrations, you are not alone. I have talked with so many people who are struggling. If you take a casual stroll through social media you will see many sarcastic memes articulating these frustrations. 

One such meme depicts a little girl sitting with her mom. The little girl asked: “Mom, am I adopted?” Mom: “Honey, I just put the advertisement out yesterday.” 

Ouch!  We are struggling. Our normal coping methods don’t seem to be working. What can we do? My last blog post focused on developing healthy relationships at home. This week, we turn our attention to what is going on inside us.

We Need to Create Space for Ourselves

Creating space for ourselves is easier said than done. But it is vital to help us cope and deal with our inner struggles. Here are a variety of ideas for you to think about. Try the ones that seem to fit you and your schedule.

Prepare your Heart for the Day

Being stuck at home during this pandemic can feel like “Groundhog Day.” “Here we go again.”  Our joy has been robbed. To help me prepare for the day, I take a few minutes each day to read, reflect, journal, and pray through Philippians 4:4-9:

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say, rejoice! Let everyone see your gentleness. The Lord is near!  Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God. And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of respect, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if something is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things. And what you learned and received and heard and saw in me, do these things. And the God of peace will be with you.

I let these words penetrate my heart and call me to action. I find that they center me.  This passage reminds me to be gentle to others. I think through and write out ways I can be gentle today. When I am feeling anxious, I remind myself that God is near and I can bring my struggles to him. I examine my thinking and ask myself, “What am I thinking about? Am I focusing on things that are true, respectful, just, pure, etc.?”

Taking a few minutes to start the day in God’s word, prayer, and/or journaling can help calm our heart and steer us in a healthy direction.

Fill Your Tank

We need to accept that our schedules are not going to be what they used to be.  We need to readjust our schedule and make sure we include times throughout the week to fill our tanks. We need to find space to go for a walk, run, work out, take a nap, draw, paint, do a craft, organize the garage, fill in the blank. Winston Churchill suggested that to find refreshment we need to do something that is the opposite of what we normally do.

My normal has changed. What I used to do for refreshment was to go to the gym — currently not an option. So I changed my workout routine. Honestly, not as fun but still refreshing. I love photography and working with my photos on the computer. However, since COVID-19, I am spending 12 hours a day on a screen in meetings or counseling; so the idea of getting back on my computer is not as appealing. I am experimenting with new ways to express my creativity. Take some time this week to think through what you can do for yourself to fill your tank.

Learn How to Go to the “Top of the Stadium” to Get Perspective

If you have ever been to a college football game, you might remember what happens at halftime – the band comes on the field. Imagine if you went to a college game for the first time and you wandered onto the field at halftime. As you walked around the field you would have no idea what was happening. People would be marching right toward you with instruments blaring and just when you think they are going walk all over you, they turn and start to march away only to have them turn and come at you again. You have no idea what is going on. What they’re doing makes no sense!

However, if you were to find your way to the top of the stadium, you would have a different perspective.  You would see the band marching with amazing precision, making intricate designs as they boldly play their instruments.

When the frustrations inside us build, we feel like we are on the field. We aren’t sure where these emotions are coming from or where they will take us. We need to learn to press pause and go to the top of the stadium to get some perspective. We need to ask ourselves:  What am I feeling? What is this about? In order for us to get perspective, we need to get a clear picture of what is happening. Then we can respond.  Our tendency is to be reactive, like we are on the field with the marching band. The next time you feel the tension building, I encourage you to use this word picture.  Take a moment to pause and go to the top of the stadium to help you get perspective before you respond.

Make Peace with Your Past

Our past experiences can cloud our vision. Maybe we grew up with parents who were harsh and judgmental, so we react to any form of criticism. Or maybe our parents weren’t around much or were dismissive, so we feel hurt when someone might legitimately want some space to sort out their thoughts. The examples are endless, but I know you want this blog post to end soon, so I will sum up. When you are consistently feeling overwhelmed or your emotions are disproportionate to the situation, you may not have made peace with your past. Your emotions from your past may still be haunting you. You need to ask yourself, “How much of this experience is about what is going on inside of me versus what the other person is doing?” Everyone is impacted by their past. Sometimes we might need help sorting it out.

These are unusual times, and our past ways of dealing with challenges may not be working. I encourage you to try some of these ideas out. If you are still struggling, don’t be afraid to reach out to a friend, a pastor or counselor. We are not meant to go through life alone.