Conflicts are a natural part of life.  Learning how to resolve them becomes paramount if we are going to experience the closeness we all desire.  Through the years, I have taught classes, seminars and counseled people on conflict resolution.  I got to a point where I thought I was pretty good at it.  But much to my surprise, occasionally I would run into conflicts that seemed impossible to resolve.  I would shake my head and think, How can this be? What did I do wrong?  I would review my tone, words, and body language.  I seemed to be doing everything right.

Mind you, I am not suggesting that I always apply good conflict-resolution skills.  But during these encounters I seemed to be doing it right.  My strong desire to resolve the conflict kept me persisting in the conversations.  I would think, “If I can show him that I understand him or phrase things just the right way, he’ll get it and we will resolve this issue.”  But the conversation would get worse.  Why?